- guardian.co.uk, Saturday July 14 2001 01.42 BST
A survey of more than 500 theatregoers found them angry at chewers, whisperers, tall people, litter droppers, arm rest hoggers, late returnees from the bar and fidgeters.
"Many times I've been watching a show and got so incensed by the racket going on around me, I wanted nothing more than to machine gun those around me," one wrote. "What the hell is the point of paying to see a show when watching the show is the last thing on their mind?"
He added: "I believe we will soon be witnessing a phenomenon known as 'theatre rage'." However, there is clear evidence from the survey that theatre rage is already with us and running like a bush fire through the stalls.
Mobile phones and beeping watches are a new menace, but the majority, 79% of more than 500 theatregoers polled, found that it was sweet wrappers which were the greatest irritation. This was followed in the rage poll by talking and whispering, 69%, and latecomers, 64%. Some 8% identified burpers and farters as the most prevalent menace.
One respondent offered a radical solution: "Unfortunately, the best solution to the noisy/obnoxious audience problem - more theatre staff, preferably armed with stun guns - will remain a dream in the current financial climate. Don't be afraid to confront people who are ruining your enjoyment - the last time I did this the culprits didn't return after the interval."
The survey was carried out by the website Whatsonstage.
