Geri Halliwell said she wanted to be treated like "any member of the public" when she was sentenced for speeding. But what about those celebrities who don't? Think of Princess Anne, and you'll remember how traffic police can be so easily mistaken for your official escort, while Alex Ferguson is well-known for taking the hard-shoulder to get to the toilet on time. Are you as artful with your excuses as our nation's celebrities?

		You are very proud of your new £250K Ferrari Testosterone and decide to take it for a little "test drive" at 4am down a deserted M6. A police motorbike clocks you doing 121mph and flags you down. What do you say?
			Here, mate, have an autographed football on me and we'll say no more about it
			It's a fair cop officer, but the road was empty and I've got this great car?
			Do you know who I am?
		Your speeding case comes to court. You instruct your lawyer to base your defence on the argument that:
			A driving ban would stop you doing a lot of good work for charity
			You weren't actually driving the car - it was your assistant
			You have no previous offences
		You are driving along without a worry in the world and then suddenly the fuzz pull you up and charge you with driving without due care and attention. What do you say were you doing?
			Evading the paparazzi
			On the mobile to Peter while changing gear on a roundabout
			Nibbling a KitKat bar at the wheel
		Workmen are re-rendering the A11 and you are stuck, fuming, in a fifteen-mile tailback. Using the hard shoulder to nip past the jammed traffic, you get four miles before a policeman flags you down. You claim:
			You wanted to get home in time for EastEnders
			You had to get to a constituency meeting on time and you called special branch who had authorised your transgression
			A bad case of diarrhoea forced you to speed towards the nearest loos
		A police officer catches you loitering in a lay-by indulging in Ugandan discussions with your special friend. You explain that you were bent double because:
			It's human nature
			Your friend had a bad case of indigestion and you were undoing their trousers
			You had dropped your red box of papers under the seat and were trying to retrieve them
		You take a trip to France and, away from the pressure of the British cops, encased in a tasty BMW Z8, put your foot down. You've just hit 141mph when the long arm of the French law pulls you over. When asked what you were doing, you reply:
			I am a motor-racing star. Here's my autograph
			Don't touch me, or I'll get MI6 to sort you out
			Bonjour mon ami. C'est un autobahn, n'est pas? I can go as vite as I like, can't I?
		A cursed traffic camera catches your car jumping a red light and a ?20 fine arrives in the post. You:
			Take the matter to court, claiming you weren't in the car at the time and can't remember who was
			Forget about it, until a revised £40 fine drops onto your doormat
			Get your PA to pay it
		How many points do you have on your driving licence?
			None
			Three
			Six