- guardian.co.uk, Thursday September 28 2000 00.00 BST
Writer and broadcaster Alistair Beaton is the author of The Little Book of New Labour Bollocks: The Ultimate Antidote to Spin.
Buy The Little Book of New Labour Bollocks at Amazon.co.uk
1. What they said:
Many of Labour's improvements will not occur overnight.
(Labour Party policy document, January 2000)
What they meant:
Many of Labour's improvements will not occur.
2. What he said:
For better or for worse, we have a democratic system in this country.
(Lord Falconer, minister of state in the Cabinet Office, on Question Time, BBC TV, 11 May 2000)
What he meant:
I didn't get where I am today by being elected.
3. What he said:
You can always tell when an election is about to happen. The Tories head straight for the gutter and start playing the race card.
(Jack Straw, shadow home secretary, speech to Labour Party conference, October 1996)
What he meant:
That's a very nice gutter you've got there. May I join?
4. What he said:
It's a pity we can't have a more intelligent debate.
(John Prescott, Deputy Prime Minister, Speech to Labour Party Conference,September '99)
What he meant:
I wrote this speech myself.
5. What they said:
A fairer system of student grants.
(Lifelong Learning, Labour Party policy document, 1996)
What they meant:
No student grants.
6. What they said:
Labour aims to achieve a better qualtity of life for all by pursuing joined-up policies.
Labour Party policy document, January 2000
What they meant:
Tony Blair will be in charge in everything.
7. What they said:
Labour believes in the interdependence of town and country
Labour Party policy document, January 2000
What they meant:
We all have second homes.
8. What he said:
Responsibility is what I call the fourth R that is essential to successful schooling.
(Tony Blair, speech at the University of London, 23 June 1995)
What he meant:
The other three are:
Ranting at teachers
Rubbishing schools
Rogering LEA's
9. What he said:
A strong civic society takes seriously its obligations to our elderly.
(Gordon Brown, chancellor of the exchequer, House of Commons, 21 March 2000)
What he meant:
75p.
10. What they said:
The country needs a transport system that is safe, efficient, clean and fair.
(Labour Party policy document, January 2000)
What they meant:
France.
